for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
