her vagine was all disorganized.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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