Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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