I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
