btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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