Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Are these your boobs on my camera?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
