On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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