the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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