the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
