My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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