When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
