I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
