I think I died a long time ago.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
