Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
