did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My penis needs a shock collar
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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