whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the condom got lost in my hair
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
