Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
