Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
