im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
