walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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