you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
