My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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