i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
