i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
