so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
