I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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