I just gift wrapped bread.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
3 2 1 whiskey
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
