I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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