Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
