Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
