I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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