I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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