i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
time to smoke my breakfast
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He shit in the fireplace
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