And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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