covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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