Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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