My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
