So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
