The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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