She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
