Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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