mondays should just be called national damage control day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
