i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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