If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
