If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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