I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
