So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
