Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
