she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
