things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
