I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
