she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
